Saturday, June 12, 2010


"Where are you going?"

The question follows me as I wade into the water, breathing slowly as the cold creeps up my skin.
I'm going to freedom
I'm going to get away
I'm going to be happy
I'm going to escape! 
I let my feet scramble slowly and carefully over the rocks lining the bottom of the lake. The frigid cold jolts everything into a solid tune of thinking. One where all I can imagine is my purpleblue lips, like bruises, my cast-iron skin, and everything, everything, swollen.

Sink, sink, sink. Choke, choke, choke. 
I take these words into consideration as I slip under the water, grabbing hold of the first strong rock I touch at the bottom. Within a few seconds, my lungs start to ache. It feels like my eyes are burning.
Ache. Throb. Ache. Throb. Ache. Throb. 
I open my mouth under the water, trying to hold tighter on the rock as the temptation to find air increases. Suddenly, waterwaterwater rushes in, pushing the last bits of air from my lungs out in small, misshapen bubbles.
I watch them float to the top.
My head feels PRESSURE, and just that, like it's going to implode in on itself.
If I could, I would scream. BUT THIS IS SILENT SAFETY.


It's SCREAMING on the inside.
Everything just HURTS just ACHES and I just can't take it...

Suddenly something grabs me, arms wrapping around me. I see beautiful hair circle around the figure. Beautiful blonde hair, like a mermaid. The green murky water surrounding her glows, almost, in her presence. The green murky water that seemed so dark and lonely.
She drags me to the top, where noise explodes and my ears POP.
I sputter, sputter, choke.
Coughing, coughing, cough. 
"It's okay," she whispers, kissing my forehead. "It's okay. Just breathe."
I try to take a breath of air, but water clogs everything and I cough, cough, choke.
The noises of water wading in and out circles me, making me dizzy.
We're in the middle of the lake. Alone. She's holding me above the water.
Suddenly, she presses her lips to mine and breathes, pulling all the water from my lungs and replacing it with sweet, sugary air.
Her air.
"Thank-you," I sputter, coughing a bit. She holds me tighter, whispering, laughing almost, "She's alive."

A few seconds, and she presses her lips to mine again, just for a moment.

"I'm alive," I repeat.

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